Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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