he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
