I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
