it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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