i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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