Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
ttyl tear gas
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
