man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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