At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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