I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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