you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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