So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
