I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
