Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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