I must be too annoying 4 u.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
