you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
