why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
