It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
