I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
