I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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