Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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