Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
