your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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