my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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