yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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