I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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