omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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