we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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