If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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