i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
