And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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