so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
