fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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