Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
