i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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