k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
