have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
