meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
