I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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