What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
