hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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