doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
