I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
is wine microwaveable?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
