You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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