So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize