he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You left your phone here
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