apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
