I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
