Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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