Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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