is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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