i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
