I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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