therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
