Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
