Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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