I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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