She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
