then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
