plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
