I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
