Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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