You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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