when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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