So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
