apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
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Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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