turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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