I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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