I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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